Attraction-Based Movies We'd Like To See (or Not)

With varying degrees of success or failure, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion and The Country Bears have all had their turn as motion pictures. There's a Jungle Cruise film brewing, a much-anticipated Mansion reboot in the works, and a Big Thunder TV pilot heading our way.

Is there any ride, show or parade that can't be translated into a movie or TV production?

We think not! Here, for your consideration, Mouse Troop present four pitches for motion pictures based on four park attractions that are crying out for the big screen treatment! Let's start with a sure-fire comedy blockbuster based on a beloved classic that's traveled from Disneyland to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom...

CAROUSEL OF PROGRESS

In the 1890's, an average American family visits the Chicago World's Fair. After an accidental gift bag swap on the way toward the exit, "Father" brings home what he believes to be a box of "Hoochie Coochie" stereo slides, but it turns out to be an experimental contraption called the Tech-Evolver, which causes the family's household appliances and tools to become more and more advanced with each passing day. At first, the family's delighted at the conveniences bestowed upon them, but--while the household parrot sarcastically squawks, "Progress!"--things soon get out of hand. The appliances become sentient and attempt to enslave the town's citizens. In the end, Rover and Uncle Orville save the day and everyone agrees that--with proper foresight--there's still a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow.

The Board of Suspense

It appears near the entry to every Disney park, and sends cold chills down the spines of Disney fans worldwide.

It's the Closed Attractions Board! Don't you hate that moment when you first spot the sign and--holding your breath--you move closer to see which rides are closed...er, being refurbed....are currently unavailable.  "Currently unavailable" sounds much nicer than, "in pieces" or "temporarily dismantled."

Looking ahead, I have to face the reality that, sooner or later, Radiator Springs Racers is going to have to go down for a routine refurbishment. When that happens, it'll be interesting to see how much the downtime hurts DCA's attendance. Disneyland's got so many great rides that it can easily hold up while a huge E ticket like Big Thunder goes under the knife. DCA's a different story. Having an E Ticket like Grizzly River down hurts the younger park's offerings much more severely. When the time rolls around for Racers' first refurb...ouch.

The Forever CDs: Disney's All-Time Best Souvenirs

In the late 1990's, Disney introduced a new concept in merchandising at the parks: Disneyland Forever and Walt Disney World Forever. Fans could scarcely believe the good news; Disney was opening the vaults and allowing guests to choose their favorite park music on touch-screen kiosks, and then burn their own CDs. To Disney fans, this was a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket moment.

Across the country, die-hard park fans bumped up their vacations, called in sick to work, and began scouring the internet for lists of available tracks. So much treasure to choose from!

It was all so much fun. For the next several months, whenever a co-worker or friend would mention they were headed to Disneyland, I'd beg them to do me one tiny favor, then hand them a list of music and a twenty dollar bill. Before I even set foot in the park again, I'd gotten the biggies: all the available Pirates, Mansion and Tiki Room tracks.

A very nice internet friend volunteered to obtain my requested WDW tracks and mailed the disc to me without charging anything over the cost. 'Cause Disney fans tend to be awesome.

My little collection -- I know some fans got every single track.

And when I finally got down to Disneyland in person, I was ready. Boy, was I ready. For those of us on a tight budget, the fun -- and frustration -- was in deciding which of the tracks were most important. At about $20 for each disc of ten tracks, the Forever CDs weren't cheap, and thirty second sound effect clips cost the same as eight minute ride narrations. Like many fans, I stood there at the kiosks, checking my list, creating and ordering CDs until I ran out of cash.

A typically eclectic track list

The Forever kiosks were wonderful while they lasted, but the system had its flaws. The sound files were all over the map in terms of sound quality and volume level. The system broke down a lot. And--in the end--the process of creating and ordering a CD was too time-consuming and confusing for the average park goer. Fans loved it, but most guests ignored it. Sadly, the most wonderful souvenir system to ever grace the parks disappeared.

In the years that followed, of course, the cultural landscape changed. Sharing music became easier than ever, iTunes and Internet Radio became more and more prominent, and Disney themselves, with the help of great producers like Randy Thornton, turned out some amazing park soundtracks. The release of the 6-Disc Musical History of Disneyland made, for the first time, a comprehensive collection of park music and attraction ride-throughs easily available to consumers. Recent CD releases such as Finding Nemo: the Musical and Cars Land show that Disney seems to be more aware of the public's desire to take the music and ride soundtracks home.

The Inside Cover Dedication on each DL Forever CD

In this age of digital downloads, there seems to be no reason why Disney can't bring an updated Forever System online. They could set up an expansive and wondrous online store for purchasing park music and attraction sound files. The question is, do they want to?

They should, and they should make the purchasing an event in itself. They could offer the best-quality recordings and give purchasers club points for each download to be used toward obtaining limited-release collectibles.

Disney's current top brass certainly seem to have their eyes on the future. I just hope they don't forget to bring the treasures of the past along, and use today's technology to revive a great idea.